We’ve all heard that about fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. I know that many relationships end due to financial reasons. If you are married or thinking about becoming married and have financial concerns read on. Know that financial dishonesty is a train wreck waiting to happen. Shame and regret that comes from money secrets can ruin a marriage and a family.
I met with a young couple who had a son about 8 years old. As an advisor, I reviewed their financial, insurance and investment paperwork and we discussed their goals: short term, midterm, long term. I felt their excitement and eagerness to build a foundation for their future and set up savings for themselves and their son.
The next day, I received a call from her regarding the information we discussed. She admitted she had not been entirely honest with me. She had an issue she was unable to discuss in front of her husband.
Her news put me in a challenging situation. Ethically I could not serve them well knowing her secret. I could not formulate strategies built on false information. My mind kept repeating, “Honesty is the best policy”. But their marriage problems were really not my business. Regardless of my discomfort, I had to tell her my thoughts in the hope of helping them and maintaining my goal – clients for life. I asked her if she truly loved her husband and wanted to have a long live with him. “Yes” she answered. I asked her if she felt he loved her and wanted to be with her as long as life allowed. Again she answered, “Yes”. I suggested she come clean with him and tell him about her $55,475 credit card debt. If they are committed to each other and the relationship, they will work it out. It was a moment to trust truth and accept the outcome. She would also have a valuable lesson to help her change her shopping habits.
She called me a few days later. She had explained her painful truth to him and their relationship had survived. They were able to discuss the issue; there was no fighting, blaming or belittling – just support and love.
I am humbled and honored by this experience to listen and share my gut information, be a part of their lives and have a success story to tell. I ‘m glad I was able to address their needs beyond finances and to offer compassionate support. They are still clients today and their annual family holiday card is one that brings me joy all year round.
